Tips for Happiness for the Estranged

Is it okay to be happy when you have estranged adult children?

This is a question that many parents struggle with, especially when they see other families celebrating holidays, birthdays, and milestones together. It can feel like a betrayal of your love and loyalty to your children to enjoy your life without them. You may also feel guilty, ashamed, or angry about the situation and wonder what you did wrong or how you can fix it.

But the truth is, you have a right to be happy, even if your children are not in your life. Happiness is not a finite resource that you have to share or compete for. It is a natural and healthy emotion that can help you cope with stress, improve your health, and appreciate what you have. Happiness does not mean that you don't care about your children or that you have given up on them. It simply means that you are taking care of yourself and your well-being.

Tips for Happiness...

Here are some tips on how to be happy when you have estranged adult children:

• Acknowledge and process your feelings. It is normal and valid to feel sad, hurt, angry, or confused about the estrangement. Don't suppress or deny your emotions, but don't let them consume you either. Find healthy ways to express and release them, such as talking to a therapist, a friend, a support group, or writing in a journal.
• Set boundaries and respect theirs. If your children have cut off contact with you, don't try to force them to communicate or reconcile. Respect their decision and give them space. At the same time, don't let them manipulate or abuse you if they do reach out. Set clear and firm boundaries on what you are willing and not willing to do or accept. For example, you can say that you are open to talking, but only if they are respectful and civil.
• Focus on what you can control. You can't control your children's choices or actions, but you can control your own. Focus on what you can do to improve your situation and happiness, such as pursuing your hobbies, interests, goals, or passions. Learn new skills, take up new hobbies, travel, volunteer, or join a club or community. Find ways to enrich your life and make it meaningful and fulfilling for yourself.
• Cultivate gratitude and optimism. Even if your relationship with your children is broken, there are still many things in your life that you can be grateful for and hopeful about. Make a habit of noticing and appreciating the small and big blessings in your life, such as your health, your home, your friends, your pets, or nature. Practice positive affirmations and self-compassion. Remind yourself of your strengths, achievements, and values. Believe that things can get better and that you deserve happiness.
• Seek support and connection. You are not alone in this situation. There are many other parents who have experienced or are experiencing estrangement from their adult children. You can find support and comfort from them by joining online forums, groups, or organizations that deal with this issue. You can also seek professional help from a counselor or therapist who specializes in family estrangement. Additionally, you can nurture and strengthen your relationships with other people who love and support you, such as your spouse, siblings, friends, relatives, or neighbors.