Lemons to Lemonade: Life Beyond Estrangement

In what areas has your life improved since the inception of your estrangement?

In the past 6 years I have written three manuscripts, several children's short stories, bought myself a home, got married, traveled to new places, and have had 4 promotions at work. Thirty-three years of active parenting (thirty-nine years a mother) (the last ten years of active parenting as a single parent), the last one became an adult in 2018. In these past 6 years, I have a new home, became a step-mom to three sons who appreciate me and a grandmother. I have new extended family, new friends, and rekindled friendships and hobbies that laid fallow during my previous marriage and child rearing years.

Life did not end when my daughters chose to walk away. It simply began a brand new book which will become a trilogy.

Apples Never Fall

It's important to know that always is a lie. Nothing lasts forever. So enjoying and being grateful for the bounty of the now is essential. You can spend a lifetime with someone as a wife or a mother, but you never really know who they are and they don't know who you really are either. Nobody can break your heart like your own children.

Secrets can poison any family. And what you don't know can hurt you. I spent my parenting years second guessing myself, critical of every decision that I made was good for them.

I trusted them to be kind by my example and dedication. They are not. There is no grace given to me by them. All the good I have done apparently does not deserve respect or grace for any of my failings as a human being (none catastrophic, yep, I'm flawed like everyone else). I find that elsewhere. Even my 38 year old non-estranged oldest who I thought got it since they are a parent too, doesn't. When I talk about what's real in the now, I'm shut down for the superficial, and plainly told they don't care about my health, job, activities, etc. Thank God for the rest of the life I've built with people who do care and have mutually caring relationships with, to get me through the one-sided and non-existent with my bio children. Thank God for my step-sons who allow me to adult mother them and appreciate me because they know what it is to lose their mom permanently. Thank God for my loving husband who is my rock and took wonderful care of me through my ongoing breast cancer journey. Thank God for my family and friends who show up for me as I do them.

Turn the Page

So for me, I turn the page. When I realize I'm wallowing too much in the loss of estrangement or grief, I choose to focus on all the good things that I have built in my life over the past six years.

What about you?

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