On Loving from Afar: This is true

I read something on Facebook this morning that resonated with me. I don't know if the author is or was dealing with estrangement, but it applies. I feel this way too. My love is not dependent on their presence. I still love from afar. They are my children. I love them through happiness, pain, and sorrow. I'm not blinded by the ambiguous grief of estrangement (grieving the living) or blinded by love. Six years is a long time and also a blink of an eye. The truth is that I don't know them anymore. But I still love them.

 

***From poet Becky Hemsley***

I can’t say I loved you. I just can’t

Because it makes it sound as if my love is past tense. Gone, finished, ended.

And that is so far from the truth.

My love is not in the past. It will never be gone.

I love you now. Still.

You didn’t take all this love away with you. It stays. It lingers. 

Some days it jumps up and hits me in the face just to remind me that it is still here. Still persevering. 

Some days it nudges me. Challenges me to keep going. Daring me to find the strength to get through the day.

But mostly, it just resonates inside of me with everything I do. With every step forward and every glance back. Every close of my eyes. Every breath.

My love is not dependent on you being here.

There is nowhere far enough,

and nothing permanent enough 

to stop me from loving you.

So I will not say I loved you.

Because I love you.

Still.

✍️ Becky Hemsley Poetry

🎨 Lori Maloy

#ambiguousgrief #forgiveness #estrangement #love #mothering #silence #