my kids are assholes

I've been soft with you for a long time because I have been afraid of losing you. But the reality is I did a long time ago. You're not real with me. You ignore me. And you didn't show up even once through the worst of active treatment. Not even the day of surgery. 

No mother's day card or flowers. No birthday gift. No Christmas present. Not even a visit. Even before you met your wife. There's a long history of me being invisible except when you need something from me.

Estrangement for a year for sharing a photo of my granddaughter with my friends. Ghosting for chunks of time. Gray rocking when in contact. Punitive to the core.

Not showing up through cancer. Really. Is this better than the other two who estranged over money I didn't have to give.

I'm sure this is my fault. It's always the mother's fault, right.