No Contact Parent: Pray Toward Heaven, Row Toward Shore

I'm a no contact parent and I'm good with that. I will tell you more. I've been estranged from my two youngest children for 9 years. So, I am not new at this.

I've been good with being no contact for years, which is why I didn't want them coming around during the past three years of cancer treatment. That would have been unwanted stress.

To be fair, this is not exactly how I imagined my transition to empty nest life in my late stage of active parenting would go. But it is freeing. I don't miss the patronizing judgement. 

I enjoy the fun of restored, renewed, and new friendships. I have my tribe where I'm valued and loved - my spouse and stepchildren, siblings, nieces and nephews, and close friends. I have a dozen 3 a.m. people. You know, those who will pick up at 3 a.m., drop what they're doing, and be there when it counts.

Moreso, cancer has been a gift in my life; it's cleared out the grift and made room for generosity and joy in sometimes unexpected ways. While treatment is rough, I feel safe, secure, and loved. And I still have a lot of fun.

The anxiety, the grief, the darkness of pre-estrangement is gone sans a transient glimpse from time to time.

I have breathing room. I am breathing centered in my full authentic self which had to be hidden for many years in order to mitigate from being a target, which really didn't work. Saying no is what got me to estrangement.

I am not a victim, though I had been victimized, experiencing C-PTSD level trauma. That doesn't even remotely define me. I did the work to heal and I am happy and emotionally healthy.

I am a survivor. I have survived what I thought for a while in the early years would be unsurvivable. 

And I am nurturing the relationships of those who didn't abandon me or that I had to walk away from. 

I am a favorite auntie, loved and respected stepmom, and valued close friend. I am thankful for every single person in my life.

I am reminded of the saying Pray towards heaven but row towards shore. When you find yourself completely unmoored it's time to chart a new path to a new shore working through the stormy seas of doom and devotion through the battering of the storm where there is a new horizon of love and abundance that awaits when you let go. Thank God I let go when I did.

Sure, we can still hope that things will work out, whatever form that might take, even if feeling meh about it. But we need to row out of the stormy seas until we are safely on the shore with our feet planted firmly on the sand. I can firsthand tell you that the sand feels great.

Until next time...

~Estranged Parent

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